Sunday, 9 November 2014

Unbecoming



Sometimes the process of becoming requires an undoing, a stripping back, in order for the pupa of the godling to rightly manifest.

It has occurred to me that to emerge properly into my next "phase" I need to unbecome for a while.

The last 3 months have been chaotic and disorderly. I went from a period of stability to sitting in the eye of a cyclone. Whilst the cyclone is still spinning, it has dissipated a tiny bit, and I am still trying to manage it.

And it is unsettling.

An interruption to my living space and a change of workplace has ruffled my feathers, but I am curious as to what this shake up has engendered in me.

I have had brought into sharp focus the question of "what do I want?"

I have answered as best I can by making decisions to reflect the attention to this (one being a trip to the US early next year) but feel like the depth of the question is unfathomable.

I feel so caught up in the heavy lead of time and the slow process of living that it seems difficult - to say the least - to even contemplate, let alone focus on this notion. That said a visit from Hehu has helped manage the vast sensing of time that I have been feeling right now. (Expect to see Hehu in a couple of paintings next year). (Not the first time I have mused about Time in this blog either).

Unbecoming is a word but not the process to "unbecome". I have been told at various stages of my life that my conduct was "unbecoming". Unbecoming of what? The notion of what the observing party expects me to be . . . . .

I remember reading a book in my early metaphysical days where the author quite clearly said that you find out who you are by finding out who you are not. Perhaps it is about learning to undo the layers I coated myself in in order to survive, thus finding the true entity hidden away beneath  . . . .

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